You befriended your father.

You completed the game without selling any items.

You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.

In any mode, strike out the same player four times in a game. Must be done against a CPU controlled team.

Clear the "Ground Zeroes" mission

You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.

You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.

You opened all of the garages in South Park.

You completed your first day in South Park.

Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.

You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.