Set all settings sliders in the menu to all the available numbers.

Complete The Stanley Parable in under 4 minutes 22 seconds (not including load times)

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No seriously, we disabled it.

Quit the game and then start it again.

Finish the Hotline Miami job on hard difficulty or above, each member wearing a unique Hotlinemask.

Ram 1337 obstacles in your house.

Perform 30 successful trades.

If you play it, they will come.

Reconnect with old friends.

Look at me. I'm the captain, meow.

Win a game in every mode on Little Boy difficulty.