You've farted on every buddy in the game.

You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.

You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.

You knocked out 3 or more enemies with a single fart outside of battle.

You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.

You collected 15 Chinpokomon.

You defeated 3 enemies in one battle while your buddy was knocked out.

You completed your first day in South Park.

You have joined the KKK.

Gingers have bitten you 3 times without you blocking.

You sold 300 junk items.

You shat your pants during a boss battle.