You defeated the Meth Tweekers while wearing the Evil Cartman goatee and bald cap.

You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.

You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.

Gingers have bitten you 3 times without you blocking.

You defeated Princess Kenny while looking like David Hasselhoff.

You've let Kenny die in combat 10 times over the course of the game.

You defeated Princess Kenny and recovered the Stick of Truth.

You defeated 20 enemies using Cartman's Ass.

You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.

You've spent $500.

In three separate battles, you've taken a shit in your pants.

You befriended your father.