You've spent $500.

You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.

You've farted on people 100 times.

You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.

You've farted on every buddy in the game.

You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.

In three separate battles, you've taken a shit in your pants.

You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.

You completed your first day in South Park.

Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.

You defeated the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.

Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.