You've farted on animals 25 times.

You've farted on every buddy in the game.

You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.

You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.

You made friends with half of South Park.

You collected 15 Chinpokomon.

You opened all of the garages in South Park.

You completed your first day in South Park.

You shat your pants during a boss battle.

You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.

Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.

You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.