Complete A Mission In Co-Op Mode (Any Difficulty Level)

You befriended your father.

You defeated Princess Kenny while living with Dire AIDS.

You sold 300 junk items.

Gingers have bitten you 3 times without you blocking.

You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.

You opened all of the garages in South Park.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.

You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.

Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.

You have joined the KKK.

You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.

You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.