You survived Elderwood National Park.

Found a Pulp Magazine

Completed "Running Man"

You managed a slow-motion dodge 20 times.

You bought yourself some breathing time with a flare.

You disobeyed the park ranger's instructions.

You defeated the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.

You defeated the Meth Tweekers while wearing the Evil Cartman goatee and bald cap.

You collected 5 Chinpokomon.

You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.

You finally managed to make that phone call.

You have restored power.