Play the whole game without skipping a cutscene

Acquire a diamond

Pick up 45 things that don't belong to you

Power Hoagie's Chron-o-John

Vacuum up a hamster

Disqualify Harold

Red makes a super battery with only a little help from Hoagie

Try to flush the hamster

Hoagie eats a Hoagie

Make it rain

Make vinegar

Talk to Dead Cousin Ted with all three kids

Ask the IRS agents if they're related