You completed the game on Easy difficulty.

You calmed the fury of the storm.

You have discovered all of the hidden chests.

You have watched every single TV show on offer.

Truly, you are the master of floodgates.

QWERTY? DVORAK? 50 Taken know it's neither.

Oh, so THAT'S what happened.

20 Taken have been drowned, electrocuted, or dispatched by some other indirect means.

It is the east, and the flaregun is the sun to 50 Taken.

You changed batteries 100 times.

You listened to Hartman's recordings.

You wiped out four Taken with a single flare.

You made the train engine run out of steam.