You opened all of the garages in South Park.

You've spent $500.

You defeated the Grand Wizard Cartman in battle.

You made friends with half of South Park.

You sold 300 junk items.

You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.

You shat your pants during a boss battle.

Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.

You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.

Kill 5 guards at once with a blunderbuss.

Free your first slave.

Complete present day mission 5.