You befriended your father.

You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.

You've let Kenny die in combat 10 times over the course of the game.

You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.

You shat your pants during a boss battle.

Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.

Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.

You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.

You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.

Complete 'Grand Finale' after completing all Homie missions.

Do everything you can for Kinzie -- Quests, Loyalty Missions... everything.