You've spent $500.

You collected all of the Chinpokomon.

You opened all of the garages in South Park.

You befriended both crab people and gnomes.

You befriended your father.

You made friends with half of South Park.

You collected 15 Chinpokomon.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.

Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.

You have joined the KKK.

You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.

You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.

Reach Rank 30 with any Scythe, Pole-arm or Staff weapon.