You sold 300 junk items.

You defeated Princess Kenny and recovered the Stick of Truth.

You defeated 20 enemies using Cartman's Ass.

You've farted on people 100 times.

You collected 15 Chinpokomon.

You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.

You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.

You completed your first day in South Park.

You have joined the KKK.

Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.

You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.