You defeated Princess Kenny while living with Dire AIDS.

You have collected half of the available costume sets.

You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.

You defeated the Grand Wizard Cartman in battle.

You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.

You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.

You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.

You completed your first day in South Park.

You shat your pants during a boss battle.

You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.

You've farted on people 100 times.

Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.