You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.

You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.

You shat your pants during a boss battle.

You befriended your father.

You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.

You collected 15 Chinpokomon.

You completed your first day in South Park.

You've farted on people 100 times.

You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.

You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.

You've farted on animals 25 times.

You defeated the Meth Tweekers while wearing the Evil Cartman goatee and bald cap.

You collected 5 Chinpokomon.