You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.

You befriended your father.

You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.

You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.

You knocked out 3 or more enemies with a single fart outside of battle.

You collected 15 Chinpokomon.

You defeated 3 enemies in one battle while your buddy was knocked out.

Collect a Painted Item

You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.

You defeated the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.

You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.

You've farted on people 100 times.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.