You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.

You befriended your father.

You collected 15 Chinpokomon.

You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.

You defeated the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.

Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.

You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.

Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.

You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.

Witness a predator killing an enemy.

Complete Present - Stadium.

Complete Sequence 7.

Complete Sequence 6.