You've spent $500.

You sold 300 junk items.

You completed the game and never ended a battle with your buddy knocked out.

You defeated Princess Kenny while living with Dire AIDS.

You defeated Princess Kenny while looking like David Hasselhoff.

You defeated 20 enemies using Cartman's Ass.

You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.

You've farted on animals 25 times.

You've farted on every buddy in the game.

You interrupted 5 channel attacks by using a fart.

You defeated the Grand Wizard Cartman in battle.

Gingers have bitten you 3 times without you blocking.

You collected 15 Chinpokomon.